07
Nov
09

Thirsty as All Fuck.

The apartment is dark. I strike a match. Holding it between the thumb and index of my left hand.

-When this goes out, I gotta go.

And I start talking. Spilling everything that’s happened tonight. How I don’t know what the fuck is going on. How I’m scared.  She’s playing with the fingers on my right hand. How I’m not strong enough. How Flex and Kool jumped me. The match is burning too fast. How I killed two people. How I’m probably going to have to kill more. She’s got her hands on my face. Resting it on her forehead. She’s whispering. Touching the bandage she just wrapped around my arm.

-You’re so cool. You’re so cool. You’re so cool.

The match is almost dead. Fingers getting hot. And I’m. And I’m so close. And I’m so close to kissing her. But I don’t. Stomach’s a twisted mass of nerve endings. The match goes out. Fingers toasted. I missed the moment. Might not get another.

-Shit.

I grab the gun I took off a body. The smokes I took off another. And the Sprite I happened to buy on the way over here because I was thirsty as all fuck. I’m at the door and she’s talking. A whisper in the abyss.

-It’s all you, baby.

I let out a long breath.

-Ciao, bella.

I’m gone. Taking the steps two at a time. Wishing I’d had a lighter instead of a match.

06
Nov
09

Water Torture.

-Where is she?

I’m gulping air. As much as I can because I know they’re gonna dunk me again. I know because I ain’t telling them shit.

-Where is she?

I’m back in the water. It’s been like this for about 10 minutes now. I go under. I come up. They ask the question. I don’t answer. Repeat.

-Where is she?

I can hold my breath Kevin Costner good. Water torture. Primitive shit. I could do this all day. But I don’t have all day. I have to get back to her.

-Whereisshe?

Braces talking this time. Sounds like he’s having trouble. A bandage around the big chunk missing in his cheek from where I bit him. That’s what he gets for tying me up. That’s what he gets for beating the shit out of me with a mannequin. That’s what he gets for knocking out two of my teeth. One molar. One canine. That’s what he gets for just pissing me the fuck off.

-I think I dropped something. Can you dunk me again so I can look for it?

Braces walks over. Still got that damned leg with him.

-You hit me with that again and I’ll kill you. I swear it.

Braces cracks me hard with the mannequin’s leg. I keep all the teeth in their place for now.

-Big mistake, Braces.

Another crack. This time to my right arm. I feel the wound re-opening. Leg of lead he’s got there.

-Telluswheresheisrightthefucknow.

I spit some blood in his face. Makes me wish I had something I could infect him with. As long as this night has been, this guy’s been my least favorite part of it.

-Fuck you.

-Untiehimrightnow.Gethimouttathatthingandmakehimstand.

The guy wearing the Sufjan Stevens shirt unties me. Fucking ironic hipsters. The only other guy with us thinks it’s ok to take my shirt off. The guy who was doing all the talking before. Name’s Carl. Sucks to be him.

-Youandme.Wefightrightnow.

He drops the leg, takes off his shirt, and squares off. I square off too. I’ve lost count how many times these boxing lessons have come in handy tonight.

Feels like I’m bleeding from everywhere. No time to think about that now. It’s fightin’ time. Killin’ time. A promise is a promise. Gonna kill him dead.

I’m smiling now. In all my gap tooth glory.

06
Nov
09

Fresh. Hot. Flesh.

It’s cold. Damn cold. I pull the brim of my cap low and stuff my hands in my sweatshirt. I walk. Allen Street sucks at night. Sucks during the day too. Sucks more at night.

I smell the smoke from one of their Kool’s before they get to me. Two of ‘em. Strong fuckers. They push me down the gates of one of the shops on the street. I flip over every stair on the way to the basement, landing on my head. I lose my cap. I get up spinning birds and doing an awkward box step ‘till I come close to something resembling my natural balance. They’re already downstairs with me.

It’s dark. Almost too dark. But I can make out the asshole smoking his Kool. The friend with him looks like every muscle is constantly flexing. Kool pulls some heat. Flex finds his butterfly knife. Doing lame ass tricks.

-Real fly, jackass.

Kool stubs his smoke on the heel of his shoe and flips open the cylinder. Checking to see if it’s loaded. The gang’s all there. Flex runs forward, knife still spinning. I’m set, let’s see if those boxing lessons paid off. He blocks my first punch but the second one connects to his abdomen. Flex relaxes for a moment before digging the knife into my right bicep. Stepping away, licking his lips.

-Fresh. Hot. Flesh. Smells. Good.

Every word’s a sentence with this guy. I’m bleeding pretty good but I’ve got one arm left. I let him know. His nose and wrist break before Kool even realizes what’s happening. Flex starts screaming and I grab him while Kool empties out his 6-shooter. Every bullet into his friend. I grab Flex’s butterfly knife and trick it all the way into the back of Kool’s skull. He twitches and then joins his friend.

-Fucking Allen Street.

I snag his pack of Kool’s and light up, grabbing my hat off the floor and sliding it on backwards. I climb the steps back onto the street. Sirens. Weird for New York. Sirens so fast. Someone must have known this was going down.

I run. It takes a while to find my stride with just one arm pumping. But I find it. I’m just as fast I remember. Damn it’s cold. But I don’t feel a thing. I think I’m smiling.

05
Nov
09

Buckshot.

I see her through two sets of blinds. Her’s and mine. Looks like an old time cartoon; the way she’s moving. Brooklyn girls. With the buckshot grinding around in my knee I couldn’t make it over there if I tried. And girl, I did try.

He moves in on her blowing smoke in that round face. Words float around on the smoke but I can’t make them out. Starts rubbing his hands on her arms. Big mistake. He sticks out his tongue and she takes it between her teeth and tears it free. Thatta girl. Capable, just like I taught her. He’s bleeding all new kinds of red as she takes his shotgun and cocks it. I can read her lips through our windows.

-What’s a matter big boy, girl got your tongue?

She fires and sends pieces of him all over her room. To top it all off she spits his tongue out onto where his head used to be.

-You’re so cool, girl.

04
Nov
09

A Mexican Standoff.

My heart beats five times. Tom cracks his neck. Frank lights up a Lucky. We all draw steel. Frank comes out spinning. Pistol tricks he learned from the movies. I get the drop on them both but Tom comes close to beating me. Wally West fast. They’re aiming at me. I’m aiming at them. My heart beats twice. Frank spits out his cigarette.

-Looks like we got ourselves a Mexican standoff.

I drop them both before Frank could even finish his sentence. My heat beats once.

-That’ll be the day.

I holster both Lady’s and finish Frank’s cigarette. Filterless. Tastes more like death than usual. My heart keeps beating.

03
Nov
09

Braces.

November is National Writing Month, so maybe I’ll use the ol’ blog to start writing really short non sequential pulp stories that might add up to something in the end. Who knows? I’ll write as many as I can.

Thoughts are appreciated.

I roll the tooth around in my mouth, blood coming from the hole it used to call home. My eyes won’t open. I spit out the tooth and tongue the hole. My eyes won’t open. This guy is breathing Gandolfini heavy. My eyes won’t open. I flex my wrists to see if the rope is still tying them together. It is. My eyes open. It’s still dark. The guy takes off the blindfold and I see stars until my pupils adjust. I find my tooth; it’s on his shoe along with some blood. My blood. Something touches my chin and my eyes see his face for the first time. He’s grinning, if you could call that a grin. He’s got braces. Braces. The scariest I’d seen since Annie Johnson gave me a blowjob in the eight grade. I see what lifted my head. He’s been using the leg of a mannequin to beat the shit out me.

-Nice legs. What time they open?

He cracks me across the skull again. I drop another tooth. This one is worth it.

07
Oct
09

I’m So Out of Tune With You

I ponder. Often. It’s something every no doubt does, but not the way I do it. It’s a vicious cycle, the way I think. I blame it on the years I’ve spent watching film and reading books, sadly life doesn’t end after 2 and a half hours or 300 pages. If I could go out in 2 hours of celluloid glory I would. Without a moment’s hesitation. It would be better than waiting around day after day surrounded by rising action that leads to a climax so lame it would make Dustin Diamond look like a sex god.

Wilco does this to me, they make me feel like I’m wasting my time. I’m going to school training to become something I don’t want to be and I tell myself that I’m making up for it with all that I read and write and watch. The fact of the matter is I don’t pay enough attention to what I read and I don’t write nearly as often as I tell myself I do and I watch far too much shit on my 32″ Vizio.

I sit around late at night sometimes and listen to a playlist that I never sent out to the girl that I made it for, it’s filled with songs that reminded me of her and still do to this day. They are filled with heartache and beauty that my vocabulary could never do justice to just like the songs barely hint at what she does to me. It’s funny that she played me my first Wilco song, I told her it was an adventure to listen to. She told me that was the cutest thing I could have ever said.

But I listen to other songs too, even though any song by any of the artists on the playlist make me think of her, some songs are still mine and mine alone. I let far too many songs belong to other people, I need something for myself. Mayer Hawthorne is mine bitches. I do wish I could be her hummingbird again.

The fact that I STILL write about this shit says tons about my character. I think. Jesus Christ, I want to be like Charlie Huston. He writes the strongest characters, but I’m strong right? Maybe I am one of his characters and just don’t know it yet.

My chum Robert says we need to meet people not attached to the endless streams of bullshit we suffer through on a daily basis. I respect the hell out of that man’s opinion, maybe he has a point. He also said once, as he crossed his right leg over the knee of his left and pushed up the brim of his glasses, that “we are artists, Tyler, it’s in our nature to obsess over things and we are especially susceptible to women.” Tell me about it dude.

“Only the curious have something to find” says one of the songs on this mysterylist. Well I’m curious like a cat, it’s why my friends call me whiskers. I’ve got plenty to find and if you’re along for the ride then that is fantastic. If not, then I’ll write about you and how beautiful you all are.

Oh, and I miss my best friend a lot. Where’d you go pal? I’m still here, I didn’t go anywhere dude.

I’ll drink to maybe I’ll wink at you.

God, I’m about as deep as Tony Danza sometimes.

I’m your worst nightmare butt-horn!

“If there was a mountain misted with rain I wouldn’t climb it for you no more, it couldn’t be worth the strain.”

30
Sep
09

Doctor’s Orders

Today brought around one of the best mornings I’ve had in a long time. I had the privilege of watching the House season premiere that aired earlier in the week and I must say it was incredible. Season 6 began with our anti-hero checked into a mental institution and finally kicking his Vicodin habit. With obvious echoes of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest this hour and a half adventure was one of the best episodes of any television show ever.

It had been a while since I’d checked in on Dr. House, I was a fan since the beginning but I had begun to watch it less and less but I’m glad I tuned back in for this. A great story-line and some terrific supporting performances made this one of the most powerful episodes of a show I’ve seen this year.

I’m interested to see how this plays out, this kind of an episode had the weight of a Series Finale as opposed to a season premiere. I’m keen on seeing where they go from here.

Props to Lin-Manuel Miranda for showing he has some real acting chops and of course for showing the whole word just how sparkling of a man he is.

House-MD-Season-6-preview-house-md-7402179-639-355

24
Sep
09

We Had A Strange Arrangement

The best album of the year is Mayer Hawthorne’s  A Strange Arrangement. Yes, Passion Pit, I’m saying that A Strange Arrangement is better than Manners. Prove me wrong.

mayer-hawthorne-album-cover

07
Sep
09

Bonus List: Top 5 Pool Scenes Of All-Time

It’s the last day of summer so I hope you’re by the pool, if you aren’t here are the 5 best pool scenes of all time to help get you through the day.

5. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York- When young Kevin McCallister cannonballs into the pool at his hotel and loses his shorts how can you not laugh. It’s simple but hysterical, “yikes!”

4. Caddyshack- it’s employee pool day at the country club and for the 15 minutes they have they create a mess. The mess reaches its pinnacle when a chocolate bar is mistake for a piece of poop at the bottom of the pool.

3. Fast Times at Ridgemont High- when Phoebe Cates walks out of the pool and undoes her top to show us her Gremlins every boy on the planet loses his mind. When she walks in on Judge Reinhold we all secretly wish it was us she was walking in on, admit it.

2. Showgirls- Elizabeth Berkley humping the god-loving hell out of the dude from the Flinstones movie (Kyle MacLachlan) in the pool, while having champagne poured over her body, is the raunchiest, sleaziest, most entertaining moment in the history of pool scenes only to be outdone by…

1. Wild Things- What can be hotter than a chick making out in a pool? Try two really hot chicks. Neve Campbell and Denise Richards boil the chlorine right out of the water as they kick each other’s ass and start hooking up all in one glorious peek at what heaven must be like.

Take a dive into any body of water just once and enjoy the last day of summer!